The Unintentional Gypsy
The morning broke into stillness. The rising moment was like a searing silence in the heart. A kind of peace one is mostly unfamiliar with, except in times of extreme joy. Autumn’s musk filled the air around me, as the opening rays of the sun danced on the blanket of wet dewdrops spread across the colored lawn. But then that dreaded moment of foreboding that something wasn’t right pressured its way into my mind. I felt all at once, both saddened and deliriously enchanted by the profound feeling of separation from all that exists… with the exception of my own … More
Finding Home
The things that make me feel safe and sound are mostly immaterial. Genuine conversations; freedom; music; being deeply understood. Physical objects rarely bring me comfort, but I do find myself fiercely protecting a short list of a few tangible tokens. Tasty, nutritious food; a balanced home; a distraction-free workspace; plants; unique pieces of art. Take these away from me for too long and I slowly crumble. Feeling vulnerable is strange for someone who foolishly considers himself impervious to life’s challenges. I’m often proven wrong in this arena, but my obstinate nature refuses to admit defeat — at least not until my fighting … More
Stopping Self-Sabotage
“When you know yourselves, then you will be known…“ As a kid, I was never the fastest runner. I was an okay athlete though, sometimes able to out-maneuver the more physically-gifted kids on the block, and occasionally out-compete those who hadn’t yet found their confidence or strength. There seemed to be a relentless drive in me that rivaled the ancient martyrs, warriors. Frustratingly though, that fire of motivation would usually fizz out right before I would finish an important task. In 7th grade, I faced the harrowing 100 meter dash out in the P.E. yard. I feigned a casual strut … More
The Final Limit of Self-Discovery (Hello, Weird World)
There are the times when every fiber of my being is challenged beyond its normal container, stretched and emaciated like the clear yyut candy I used to enjoy as a kid during my month-long trips to the outskirts of Seoul. In those moments we may revel as two people join hands and dive into their co-created stew of self-inquiry, discovering the little pieces of pleasures, ideas, and dark fantasies, just to realize that the separation between us is…well, a divine gift AND a necessary hallucination. In the past, before I really understood what this meant, I had become a special kind of … More
