forgiveness and communal responsibility

TL;DR

• Forgiveness as Personal Freedom — True forgiveness is a difficult but transformative process that requires acknowledging pain, humanizing the wrongdoer, and letting go of attachment to harm. The ultimate benefit goes to the forgiver, who gains freedom from anger and resentment.
  
• Individual and Self-Forgiveness — Forgiving ourselves is one of the most powerful steps toward personal growth and makes it easier to extend forgiveness to others, allowing us to focus on moving forward instead of remaining stuck in the past.
  
• Communal Forgiveness in Practice — From the Babemba tribe’s ritual of restoring wrongdoers through collective affirmation to Baltimore’s community-based crime prevention programs, forgiveness at a community level creates safer, more just societies by prioritizing restoration over punishment.
  
• Forgiveness as Collective Responsibility — In a culture that often prizes individualism over community, embracing forgiveness as a shared duty can rebuild trust, strengthen social bonds, and contribute to long-term healing and change.
  

Maya Angelou once said, “Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.”  And while I agree that forgiveness is a gift, it is also a complex, emotional, deeply personal, and challenging process. To forgive someone that has wronged you, you must acknowledge your pain, humanize the person causing you harm, and release your attachment to the event itself. This process can feel deeply uncomfortable, heavy with grief, and at times close to impossible—especially when we believe that justice has not been served. 

When we’ve been harmed, reaching acceptance can be difficult, and sometimes we may choose to forgo forgiveness altogether. I want to be clear: when I speak about forgiveness, I mean true forgiveness—the kind that takes place when harm has stopped, and the person doing the forgiving has the actual choice of whether or not to forgive. Forgiveness cannot simply be demanded or taken by the forgiven; it must be offered freely by the forgiver. 

Seen in this way, forgiveness gives the greatest benefit to the one who forgives: freedom. Freedom from anger. Freedom from the ties that bind us to the person who hurt you. Freedom from  the ‘prison’ of trying to change what cannot be changed. As the well-known quote often attributed to Buddha reminds us, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Refusing to forgive, in the end, hurts only you.

It is in our best interest to learn to forgive,—not only  others, but also ourselves. In fact, one of the most powerful forms of forgiveness is self-forgiveness, which often makes it easier to forgive others. When we forgive ourselves, we no longer have to be weighed down by our past actions, nor do we have to be held hostage by the actions of others. We can move forward—focused on what lies ahead rather than living in the past. 

If forgiveness is in our best interest as individuals, what does it mean for our communities? The answer depends on how we see our purpose here.  If life is only about surviving without a purpose then who’s to say what is or isn’t our responsibility? But if we’re here, as I believe, to grow, to learn from our mistakes, and to create a safe environment for others to do the same, then forgiveness becomes not only personal – but communal.

What does communal forgiveness look like? For the Babemba tribe of Zambia, communal forgiveness is a tribute to the tribe member being forgiven:

“If a member of the Babemba acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he or she is placed at the center of the village, alone. All work ceases, and the entire tribe gathers in a large circle around the violator. Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, speaks to the accused, one at a time, recalling all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his or her lifetime…At the end, the circle is broken and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe with joyful celebration.”

—Excerpt from Contact: The First Four Minutes, Leonard Zunin

Whether or not this story has been perfectly authenticated, the concept remains compelling.  It challenges us to question our current practices of justice and belonging within our communities. 

Though the Babemba story may be idealized, modern cities like Baltimore show us how communal forgiveness can work in practice. For years, Baltimore’s crime rates were above the national average, but Mayor Brandon Scott has implemented community-based crime prevention to change that. While residents of Baltimore are not holding public tributes to anyone who has committed a crime or caused harm, these programs are based on the spirit of forgiveness. They do not shy away from the truth of the harm. They acknowledge the pain and humanize the perpetrators of violence, while releasing any attachment to the past. By prioritizing forgiveness over punishment, Mayor Scott is providing an environment for lasting change.  

When interviewed about some of the programs Scott has implemented, he said “There was a young man who told our folks when they knocked on the door that this was the first time he had been involved in that {gang} life since he was 12, that anyone told him he could do any different.” In this case, someone drawn into gang life by his environment was forgiven, supported, and offered a real choice to lead a different life. According to NPR, Baltimore has  recorded its lowest number of homicides in over 50 years. Forgiveness, when practiced collectively, creates the foundation for a safer and more just society. ¹ 

Of course, for those directly harmed, forgiveness is far more difficult. This is why communal forgiveness matters. It allows the members of the wider community to carry the responsibility for healing even when the injured cannot. 

Unfortunately, what we’ve seen in America is less and less focus on community well-being, collective action, and social safety nets, and an increased focus on individualism and personal success. A 2023 Pew Research Study found that Americans are less likely than people elsewhere in the world to feel close to their communities. This lack of connection can remove the feeling of responsibility to do anything within or for the community, including forgiveness. 

Some of this individualism is intentional, with individuals knowingly prioritizing themselves over others. But this is a learned way of life, rooted in fear and our culture of relentless self-improvement. Helping others should always be the goal, but when we become too focused on ourselves, rather than owning the wrongs of society, we may choose to blame and punish instead—whether it’s political opponents, immigrants, or other marginalized groups. 

Still, while individualism carries risks, it also offers the important gift of personal responsibility. As Maya Angelou reminded us, forgiveness allows us to own what is ours and release what is not. When we take responsibility for what belongs to us and look at forgiveness as our communal responsibility, we accept that it is our duty to simply learn and practice forgiveness. In doing so, we contribute to collective healing and creating the possibility for communities and societies to be restored. 

Whether we look to the Babemba tribe or to cities like Baltimore, it becomes clear that forgiveness is a communal responsibility—essential for building safer neighborhoods, restoring trust in institutions, and creating lasting change.

¹Forgiveness-centered approaches have limits. For those facing ongoing harm, forgiveness may not be accessible, and accountability and safety remains essential.